he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
