Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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