she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
