Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
