i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
