I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
