i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
