I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
