Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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