A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
