I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
