Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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