my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
