So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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