By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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