I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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