just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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