she woke up with a sticky ear
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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