Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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