Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
