are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
