Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
