he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
