My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I FOUND THE LEGS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He literally asked permission to hit on me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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