yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
