I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
