you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
