just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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