Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
