Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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