I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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