This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
