I wanna bring you to show and tell
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
