How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
