i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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