I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
please come you make the beer taste better
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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