I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
