Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
