if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
