So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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