Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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