Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
