real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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