sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
