1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
