Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My feet surprised me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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