i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
