Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
