We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
