I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
