just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
