ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
