Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
