My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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