Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
