I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
