And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
