i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
