I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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