these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
