I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
