Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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